So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
