Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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