Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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