don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
