me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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