You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
