i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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