Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
