Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
