Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
