I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
