I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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