good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
