you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
