she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I need to sanitize my soul.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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