dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
