i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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