he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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