You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
