dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
