my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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