I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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