weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
