....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize