it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
