I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
