Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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