You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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