Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
