You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
