don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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