you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
