I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
