too bad you live with your parents still
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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