Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
