you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
