there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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