I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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