We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
