I wish I could punch you in the face.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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