dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
