He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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