don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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