Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
