and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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