Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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