you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
