My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
