And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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