I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
