I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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