it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
