I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
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Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
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Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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