I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
only if we run a train.
done.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Randomize
