I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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