I cannot find my penis.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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