im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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