So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
