My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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