I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
