I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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