If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
