remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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