I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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