let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
