Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
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So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
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All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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