Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She even gives head with a lisp.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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