She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
