I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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