We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
