Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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