WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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