ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
