you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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