I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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