I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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