I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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