if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
